Starbucks is not my jam. More power to you if it's your thing, but I prefer mom and pop shops, or mom and mom. I definitely don't discriminate.
However, due to a rainstorm and a neighborhood-wide power outage, I found myself trekking out to the burbs in search of wifi one day.
Not a big deal, except that the only coffee shop, cafe, or restaurant around where I wouldn't be seen as a total ass for whipping out my laptop to get stuff done was a Starbucks. That and everything else was closed.
I toddled in and let out an audible sigh followed by a low, toddler-like whine.
It was raining out. It was midday. The place was PACKED. As I stared at the board of ridiculous sugar bombs and got ready to order my plain, black coffee, I realized that people were packing up. And leaving. Like a lot of them. Why? The employees.
The employees were hitting the end of their stupidly early morning shift and they were lagging. One of them had put thrash metal on the speakers. Seriously. No apologies. And the stuff was loud.
But the employees were laughing, dancing, and having a 100 percent bonding moment. They were in job happiness mode, full on. And I got a seat. The good cushy one.
Do I like thrash metal? Um, no. Hard pass. But I do love a place run by happy, fun-loving employees. And I like the good chair. Don't judge me.
What else do I love? Good leaders. And I just met one.
The manager was on break, which may explain the music, but one of the rank and file noticed the mass exodus and asked the other employees “if mayyyyybe they should switch the music”. They got huffy. She got brilliant. She polled us. The “us” that hadn't left.
She asked what we wanted to hear, changed the music, and kept the team vibe while adapting to the customers. That's leadership. Not because of her title, but because of her actions.
Leadership vs. Management: What's the Difference?
Here's the skinny: management and leadership are two very different things. You can be a leader and not a manager, and we've all had a manager that was definitely not a leader.
Occasionally managers are called "leaders" and vice versa, but while leaders can have managerial responsibilities, they don't always. "Managers" often operate in a hierarchy within an organization.
They ensure timely completion of project assignments and facilitate interpersonal relations, while leaders can be at any level. The best leaders ask questions, embrace innovative thinking along with honest feedback and transparency. "Leadership" enables teams by allowing each person to develop unique leadership skills.
That Starbucks employee? She wasn't the manager. But she was absolutely the leader in that moment.
Why Leadership Matters
It is important for any organization to recognize its successful leaders. Creative leadership allows organizations to operate effectively and better withstand changes. Organizations who excel in developing leadership behaviors generally achieve better returns in the future.
What makes a good leader? Let me start off by saying that not everyone is born to lead. Some don't want to develop leadership skills, some are born with zero leadership qualities, and some don't want to spend the time needed to motivate team members. However, while many great leaders aren't part of the official management leadership in an organization, leaders create the culture.
Good leaders acquire confidence, build strong relationships, are biased toward action, demonstrate humility, empower others, and remain authentic. There are as many leadership styles as there are leaders.
The Foundation: Confidence and Self-Esteem
There's so much conversation out there about introversion versus extroversion, but in reality, it's confidence and self-esteem that are the essential factors that determine the quality of your professional life and play a critical role in your performance, relationships, and overall satisfaction on the job.
While interconnected, they're actually two different things: confidence is the belief in your abilities and worth, while self-esteem refers to how we value and perceive ourselves.
Make no mistake though, both are crucial for professional growth and success, especially in leadership.
How Confidence Impacts Leadership
1. Confidence leads to better performance
Having confidence in your skills and abilities leads to better overall performance, just like how you shoot pool better after that second margarita. When you have confidence in yourself, you're more likely to make bold decisions, and you're less afraid to take risks.
Confidence allows us to step out of our comfort zones and take calculated risks, leading to personal and professional growth. It enables us to overcome obstacles, navigate workplace dynamics, and seize opportunities for advancement.
At the same time, self-esteem empowers us to recognize our intrinsic value, accept constructive feedback, and bounce back from setbacks.
Trusting your skills usually means you perform tasks more efficiently since you're not second-guessing everything, which results in higher productivity and better results.
High self-esteem fosters a positive mindset, enabling individuals to face challenges with resilience and perseverance. On the other hand, folks who lack self-confidence tend to doubt their abilities and often perform suboptimally, leading to dissatisfaction and underachievement.
2. Confidence affects professional relationships
Confidence and self-esteem can also affect professional relationships. When you're self-assured, you tend to be more comfortable around your colleagues, clients, and leaders. You effectively communicate your ideas and thoughts without coming across as unsure or hesitant.
Assertiveness, a product of confidence, allows individuals to express their thoughts, ideas, and concerns clearly and respectfully. Self-esteem enables individuals to receive feedback constructively and engage in open dialogue, leading to stronger working relationships. This visibility helps to build beneficial relationships, and you're more likely to be successful in those collaborations.
In contrast, a lack of self-assurance can lead to communication breakdowns and misunderstandings, and eventually strain relationships.
3. Confidence contributes to mental health and growth
Lastly, confidence and self-esteem contribute significantly to our overall mental health, outlook, and personal and professional growth.
What that means is that if it doesn't come naturally to you, and it definitely doesn't for everyone, building confidence and self-esteem in the workplace is essential for your personal and professional growth.
Confidence and self-esteem are top traits for aspiring leaders. Individuals with high confidence and self-esteem are more likely to take on leadership roles, inspire and motivate others, and make informed decisions. These qualities also increase the likelihood of career advancement and professional recognition.
A healthy level of confidence enables us to take on challenges, assert ourselves, and seize opportunities, while solid self-esteem influences how we perceive ourselves and our abilities, affecting our motivation and resilience.
Ten Leadership Characteristics That Actually Matter
Now that we understand why confidence matters, here are 10 leadership characteristics that separate good leaders from mediocre managers:
1. Set Clear Goals and Standards
A great leader sets goals and standards so that other group members on the team understand them.
First and foremost, effective leaders need to model leadership behavior. Hold yourself to high standards and your team will follow suit. It's not always about leadership skills. It has a lot to do with being able to inspire people to reach their goals.
Secondly, no matter your leadership style, make your goals clear to your team, get everyone calibrated, and then it's 872 percent easier for the team to work toward and help you achieve those goals. A leader's ability to keep a team highly motivated is where the success is.
Thirdly, always let people know what is expected of them and yourself, clearly. Fostering other team leaders and actively developing leaders takes emotional intelligence and day-to-day management. Honest feedback from your team about your key traits is what creates authentic leadership.
2. Be Approachable, Accessible, and Not an Asshole
Folks in leadership positions need to have social skills. A good leader doesn't need an "open door" policy—you still need to get your work done after all—but you absolutely need to be available, accessible, and legitimately approachable. It also helps to be genuinely curious about your teammates and their work.
3. Ask Your Team for Input
One of the best leadership traits is the self-confidence to ask your team for input on your work and not settle into a status quo.
Leadership experts allow and openly encourage constructive criticism. Those around you will see open lines of communication that go both ways. The caveat: you must actually listen and really hear what they have to say. It's a perfect setup to make sure everyone is on the same page.
That Starbucks employee? She didn't just change the music. She asked us what we wanted. That's confidence and humility combined.
4. Offer Constructive Criticism
In turn, good leadership offers constructive criticism in order to achieve results.
Constructive is the key word here. If it's not constructive, keep it to yourself. True constructive criticism is specific and actionable. If you're in a leadership role, stay away from simply saying "I don't like it." Why specifically not? What can be fixed to make it better? Offer solutions.
5. Allow for Honesty
One of the most requested personality traits of leaders is acceptance of honest and transparent feedback. If you openly listen to the honest opinion from everyone, including those above you, below you, lateral to you, and the receptionist on the 11th floor, you'll know what really is going on and be able to head problems off at the pass before they even become problems. It's the simplest way to meet organizational goals.
6. Work With People Better Than You
For long-term success, work with people better than you.
If you're in a hiring position, hire people better than you. If you aren't, offer yourself up to work with people a level up from you as much as possible. Ego aside, they'll influence you to do better work and keep you from getting complacent.
7. Be Proactive About Helping
Be proactive about helping your team out and keeping the motivation going.
You know who is seen as the ultimate team player, especially in non-leadership situations? The admin who will tweak that deck because Heather is out sick. The office manager who gets the billing to finance early during month-end to ease up their load. The account guy whose meeting got canceled so he offers to help you set up yours. Other stakeholders not waiting to be asked to help but being aware and offering it willingly? That's the golden unicorn of teammates.
8. Take the Credit, But Own the Blame
If your team did great work, don't take the credit without acknowledging the contributions of others, but do gracefully accept kudos if they come your way. If your team screws something up, it's time for the leaders to take the blame too.
9. Work With People's Strengths
This sounds like a no-brainer, and yet few in leadership follow it. People are not job titles. They're, well, people. Two people with the same job title in your organization may have wildly different strengths. Play to them. Don't try to force Karen the introvert to throw the client parties when Barb is the party maven. Let Bob create all the reports that the party is celebrating because Bob is a data phenom. Pay attention to how people work best and on what. Use their best talents to the team's best advantage. The same goes for yourself.
10. Don't Be a Dick
This one is sort of my mantra. It's useful in different situations. It's difficult to get criticism in any job, but when employees are putting, sometimes literally, their blood, sweat, and tears into their work, just be nice. Offer your time, support, and input, and always be constructive, generous, and just, well, nice.
The Common Thread
The common thread through all these? Be nice, be proactive, lift others up. Be about other people just as much as you are about yourself.
And it all starts with confidence. Not arrogance. Not ego. But genuine confidence in yourself and your abilities, combined with the humility to know you don't have all the answers.
That's what that Starbucks employee had. She was confident enough to notice the problem, humble enough to ask for input, and decisive enough to act on it. She didn't need a title to lead. She just needed confidence and the willingness to care about the people around her.
Leadership isn't about having all the answers. It's about having the confidence to ask questions, the humility to listen to the answers, and the courage to act on what you learn.
It's about building your team's confidence, not just your own. It's about creating an environment where people feel valued, heard, and empowered to do their best work.
And it's about not being a dick. Seriously. That one's important.
Building Your Leadership Confidence
If you're working your way up the ladder, creating change and making news, well done you. Still striving to get to that leadership position you've been coveting? Now's the time to prove your leadership chops.
But how do you become a better leader?
It starts with building your own confidence and self-esteem. You can't lead others effectively if you don't believe in yourself. You can't empower your team if you're constantly second-guessing your own decisions.
So work on your confidence. Challenge your negative self-talk. Build a positive self-image. Cultivate self-compassion. Overcome imposter syndrome.
And then use that confidence not to puff yourself up, but to lift others up.
Because that's what great leaders do. They see the potential in others. They create environments where people can thrive. They make the hard decisions. They take the blame when things go wrong and share the credit when things go right.
They don't need thrash metal and an official title to lead. They just need confidence, compassion, and a commitment to not being a dick.
So go forth. Build your confidence. Develop your leadership skills. And remember: leadership is about serving others, not yourself.
Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go find a new coffee shop that doesn't play thrash metal. But I'll always remember that employee who had the confidence to lead without a title.
That's the kind of leader I want to be.
Yours in” yes you can be an awesome leader” goodness,
EBS